Our love is Stronger than Their Hate

The letter above has been circulating Facebook today. I could hardly believe that someone could be this cruel and heartless towards another human being. Much less one mother attacking another so viciously. What is even more unbelievable is the fact that the attacker (and this is nothing short of an attack) was provoked by the fact that this mother gave birth to an Autistic child and actually let him go outside to play. Apparently this woman seems to feel that she and her "normal" children are surperior and should not have to be subjected to the "happy stim" noise an Autistic child makes in his own backyard. 
  I wanted to rant and rave at this woman and fling all kinds of insults her way. I am angry. Outraged. I could easily create an equally vicious letter to the sender, but I am not going to do that. Instead I want to write a letter to all the mothers of children with Autism. Including this mom who was torn down so needlessly by a stranger. I want to uplift instead of tear down. So, from the heart .....





To any Mother of an Autistic Child,

     I also have a child with Autism as well and  I want you to know that your child has every right to be here! You have an amazing, unique child who is worthy of life, love, and acceptance. We can not measure a person's worth with something as arbitrary as an IQ score. Numbers derived from tests that were never designed for children who have such unique brains do not define your child! Do not ever feel like your child is "less" because different is NOT "less"!
 
  You have NOTHING to be ashamed of! You have every right to be at Target, the park, and the laundry mat even if your child isn't the cookie cutter version of "normal". Let the looks and comments roll off your back and remember that you deserve to live a happy life and do everyday things just like everyone else does. Your child's Autism shouldn't force you into exile. Know in your heart that you aren't alone and find strength in the notion that every time you walk into a grocery store with your Autistic child you are educating others.

  You are strong! Even if you cry everyday and wish you could change things.. you still rise to the challenge every single day. Out of love for your child. It doesn't get any stronger than that!

  I'll say it again, because you need to hear it; you aren't alone ! It may feel that way, because most of us are so wrapped up in therapy schedules and the day to day of caring for our children that we become isolated. Moms of Autistic kids have an unspoken bond. We all live by the creed: " I don't know you, but I know your struggle and I will extend my hand and heart to you if I see you in need." Don't be afraid to reach out for support.

  As mothers of children with Autism we can change the world for our kids and give them the future they deserve. Hold your head up high and teach your children to do the same!!!

                                                                  Love & Respect,
           
                                                                        Bridget Patterson

Occasionally Offensive

      * The title should give you a clue. If you are easily offended please go read a blog about Jesus or kittens or something. I am not exactly minding my manners here.*

  I said in my last post that I like people. I want to help people and I want to have friends. Some aspects of my personality don't lend themselves to making friends. For example, if you are an uptight, uber-religious, judgemental, hypocritical and intolerant person I am going to offend you. If you make it known that you are the previously mentioned type of person, I just might offend you on purpose.

 It appears though, that I may have inadvertently played a part in offending such a person. Which means two things:

1.) I am offensive to some people simply by existing.

 2.) I am incapable of being unoffensive to people whose panties are in a perpetual wad. I lack social "grace" as they say.

  I actually thought I was on my best behavior. Excuse me for being a liberal Athiest and not doing my best to hide it like a dirty secret. I mean, since you mentioned God giving parents special needs children I assumed that religion wasn't a restricted topic. By the way, not having everyone agree with you and praise Jesus with you isn't exactly the same as sacrificing a virgin to Satan in front of you. Just sayin'.
 
  Nobody owes it to you to tip-toe around your rigid beliefs to make you feel comfortable. If want chaste conversation and hand holding, go to church and not a fucking bar! I've got enough stress in my life without having to worry about the stick up your ass. Trust me.

 So, this is a disclaimer:  I don't care what you believe, who you sleep with, or what your disability is. I am willing to get to know you. I am going to be me though, and that means I am going to be an opinionated, liberal-minded, impulsive, and outspoken Athiest  I am not easily shocked or offended. If you find that you are of an opinion that counters mine that's fine. I'm a big girl. Feel free to express yourself, just allow me to do the same.

 If you are unable to deal with reality as it exists outside of a Baptist church then I'm not your type.

Falling Down

A new school year is starting and I have been frantically trying to tie up loose ends before Cole’s IEP meeting next week. The school district has hired a private therapist to consult and help us develop interventions. We’ll call her Kelly for reasons of privacy. This is woman is nothing short of an angel, and I don’t even believe in that kind of thing.

 She managed to get the school district to pay for a private psychological assessment and got them to agree to hire him a “personal coach” at school. She will also train the teachers on what it means to have OCD, ADHD, and Autism. The coach will have a psychology background and be familiar with ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis; the Gold Standard in treatment for Autism). She will also come to our home to work with Cole. See what I mean? This woman is as close to an angel as you can get in my book.

  She’s also a therapist and a good one. She had me pegged from day one and I find that unnerving. You see, I am used to being able to control situations and maintain control. You aren’t going to see me cry at IEP meetings, I research everything and present facts with detachment. It’s not that I don’t feel anything, because a lot of times I go home and cry so hard I puke. I just have a hell of a Poker Face. I can't function any other way. It's who I am.

 Kelly and I have had many phone conversations and meetings. I think it’s safe to say we are friends. She knows I have OCD and “issues”. I don’t keep that a secret. I think I’m doing pretty damn well though; considering there was a point in my life where I was literally in the Asylum. At our last meeting Kelly gently suggested that I needed therapy too. I was a little perturbed, it’s not like I was crying or losing it. We discussed Cole’s “case” professionally. That’s precisely the problem she says. I don’t deal with my emotions and I channel them into advocacy, projects, parenting, and anything else I can do to escape my own inner turmoil
.
  That’s her theory anyway. Maybe it's a valid one. A lot of people are bothered by the fact that I don’t seem to have much of an emotional reaction to things that normally move people. I have had a lot of therapists try to get me to have a breakdown on their couch, because apparently that’s what “mentally healthy” people do. You’ve got to see me cry to know I am sad. Why is that??

   I am told I intellectualize things rather than just experiencing the feelings associated with events in my life. That’s fair. I do that. It makes me feel better. When my grandfather died, I didn’t really cry openly and I didn’t really discuss my feelings with people. I am not a Christian and so I felt a deep despair about the finality of his death. I went on a quest to find all the research on life after death and near death experiences. I had to find hope and comfort somewhere. I am sorry if I don’t get it from other people and their platitudes like “normal” people do. Does that sound bitter? I am not bitter; I just don’t find awkward hugs and empty words comforting. I wanted to reach out into the universe and find answers. I wanted to understand, because only understanding seemed to quell the pain inside of me.

  I feel like an alien. I really do. How am I supposed to feel or act? What is normal?


 I am tortured by the idea that children out there are not getting what they need from a broken system. One of them is my own child. You bet I am going to move hell and earth to make change. I can’t rest until I feel like I have done something. It isn’t a ploy to avoid dealing with my grief over Cole’s disability. In fact, I think I am a lot more like Cole than I am like the rest of you sometimes.

  Right now, I am emotionally raw. I feel as though I want go on an angry rampage, scream, cry, and run away from all this. My youngest son is showing signs of having some serious issues and I am up watching videos of him as a chubby baby playing happily and trying to make that image fit with the child who threatens to kill himself and punches me. I am gutted. I feel like a failure, I feel like I should be able to fix this. I am not strong enough to fight anymore. I am tired. I want to quit. I am overwhelmed and beaten down. It’s all there, I am a human being…

But, I will walk into the psychologist’s office tomorrow for Aiden’s assessment and I won’t let my emotions run the show. I won’t collapse, I won’t cry and I won’t quit.

I can’t.

 I start therapy next week...